Let the count down commence.....

Its official I am going to HAWAII!!!!! I have never really been any where to far away from Utah. I have never been to a tropical place in my whole life, Ive only seen pictures. So when I say I'm very excited that is an understatement, I'm squealing just a little bit right now!! We are soon to be married 10 blissful, hard, terrifying, years. We were supposed to go to Hawaii on our honeymoon then we said we would go a year after we got married, but then oops Caden came along. ha ha So now we have no babies and we have a little bit of cash so we said what the Hell and we are doing it. So I have a question for all of you, because I want the most perfect vacation ever!!
Tell me what should Ben and I do while we are in Hawaii.
These are some things I want to do.
1. Snorkeling
2. Dinner Cruise
3. Deep sea fishing
4. Kayaking
5. Hiking in the presence of waterfalls
6.Luaus
So tell me if you have ever been to Hawaii, what are some other things we should do, and if the things that are on my list are not fun let me know??? Thanks

Just trying to make it through..

This whole grieving thing really surprises me, I will be going along feeling fine! I miss my Mom but it all makes since to me and I just seem to be couping really well with the whole thing.

Then out of no where just the last 2 weeks, I am starting to feel angry and very upset at all the changes that have had to happen since she has left. I have been crying a lot, firstly because we all have to go on as a family, doing parties having birthdays, its so hard to keep up the family dynamic with out her here, there is just a sadness at how final it is, she is really gone and I can't see her for a very long time, its way to hard to comprehend.

You know my Dad got re-married and up until now I have been doing ok with that whole thing, but out of no where I am feeling upset at the changes my Dad had to make and how early he had to make them. I miss my mom so bad it hurts to my core, I look at my kids and can not believe she is not her for there birthdays and special events. I look at all the new babies that have been born since she left and I feel such sadness, she would not ever be able to stay away, she loved babies so much. I see everyone around me moving on, forgetting....

The joys of being a Mother!!

I have 3 reasons that I love being a mother and there names are...
CADEN, BLAKE, BRYNLEE!!!
I love you all so much!!

The small things....

I was doing the laundry the other day ( I know amazing huh) anyways after I had pulled out all the clothes I found a 10 dollar bill sitting there!! It was great and just made me so happy so I was thinking about all the other small things in life that just put a smile on my face... so here they are in no exact order....

1. My tulips just are peaking through the ground and It just makes me so happy!!

2. When I go to a movie I love, love ,to get popcorn and a butterfingers and a coke, I take a bite of popcorn and a bite of butterfingers in my mouth at the same time...mmmm, mmm then take a swig of Diet Coke oh its great!!

3. When I'm playing tennis against my husband and he thinks he is all great because he is beating me, he has that smug look on his face, and It whizzes over the net going so fast, and he tries to get it, and fails.. ha ha! I'm victorious, and I'm the winner, if only for that one awesome shot.

4. When I'm feeling mad at the world for things I don't understand and can not control, I will go to the tennis court and hit some tennis balls as hard as I can. I love it, its the best!!!

5. There are these moments in times when everything slows down, and I see things so clearly, I look at my kids and its like out of a movie or something... My kids are being funny and all getting along and for a moment I think wow this is what its all about... and then life feels good for a moment....

6. There are times when I'm at church and I just feel so much love for everyone around me, (even the people I don't really like that much) s and I get a glimpse of the Love our Savior must have for us all!!

6. After it rains I love the way it smells!!

7. Life is crazy, with work, kids soccer, school, kids being sick and just the crazy schedule,, I am one of those needy wives that need Ben to tell me often how much he loves me. So sometimes through the craziness he will surprise me with a trip or a fun date.. oh my gosh I love it, to feel special for a moment is so great!!!

8. I love having lunch with my Grandma, it is so great, her house is like this unchanging place that is always there, always warm and loving. I've been going there since I was born!! It is a wonderful sanctuary that is so dear to me!!

Those are some things in my life that make life worth liven!!

Its been 2 years.....

March 12 was the day my mom passed away 2 years ago. Oh boy what a hard day to get through, I mean every day seems challenging, some days are way worse than others. Its hard to think back to that awful day 2 years ago.... The things I had to see and feel where indescribable. You know I wanted her to be out of her pain and away from the body that stopped working for her. At the same time I did not want her to leave me. I would lay by her and sing hymns to her hoping that this would comfort her in some way. I also sat there and whispered to her in her ear that its "Its ok mom you can go we will be o.k. " The nurse said that maybe she was hanging on for us, and we needed to tell her that we would be ok. I also just wanted to hear her tell me she loved me one more time, not that I didn't here this like 50 million times in my life cause I did. My mom always told me how wonderful I am and how much she loves me every time we talked. She used to say "Jenny your so amazing, you can do anything." Man how awesome that she thought I was so great!! There are lots of memories I have of that day most of them sad. After she passed, I left the house by my self so I could cry alone. I said to her in my head," Mom why did you have to go, I miss you." And then as clear as day I heard in my head her answer me and say, " I did all I was supposed to do," Then I said in my head, " I love you mom" and she answered me back saying, " I love you too" It was a really amazing moment for me. I still feel her around me at times. Sometimes I'll be sitting there and I swear there is someone behind me or by me. She did tell me when she was very sick, "I don't know how it all works up there, but I will be with you as much as I can."

When my mom and I would see each other I was always really silly with her, I loved to make her laugh. I would tickle her, (she is so ticklish, ) I always used to pick her up cause I was alot taller than her and she was always so skinny. She would laugh, and scream it was so much fun. I think about when I see her again sometimes, I think I will pick her up and she will laugh and we will laugh and it will be a sweet reunion. (Thank you for listening)

Going to school

I just started dog grooming school, I'm very excited, its so much fun. For a while there I wasn't feeling like a real person, every day was full of the same old stuff and I needed something different. I will be turning 30 very soon, I just keep thinking I need to be doing more... I think I'm going through some withdrawals about saying goodbye to my 20's. It makes me so sad. So I am going to be a dog groomer!! I am pretty good too, not to toot my own horn but it seems to fit me and my personality. So heirs to turning 30 and dog grooming.........

Family fun...Caution this may cause you intense emotions of puppy love.

We went to the Dinosaur Museum on Saturday. It was lots of fun, the kids and Ben had fun digging in the mud.

We found this sweet little puppy on the side of the road and it looked at me and it said "take me home with you, I'm cold and hungry and I'm a baby." So being the good person that I am I said sure and now we have a puppy. Ok your right it was not on the side of the road it was at someones house. I have a sickness, it hasn't been officially diagnosed yet, I get a fever, I get overwhelming feelings of love, And I keep saying over and over again " oh my gosh aren't they so cute. its called puppy fever or puppy love, and I can't resist them, I fell in love. I don't think of anything but that sweet baby puppy. I go crazy, Its not until I get home with the puppy that I realize all the work it takes to potty train and feed the little thing. Well I go insane for a moment and I'm not able to see past the baby paws and the sweet baby puppy breath and the way they cuttle up in your neck and go to sleep. Ahhhh. Well anyway this is Gunner he is a mutt, but I love him!!

Isn't he cute!

Blake and Gunner are best buddies they sleep together and Blake carries him everywhere!

There is nothing cutter than babies and puppies.

January blues!!

Its a set up from the beginning. They get you all excited and happy for Halloween, Yeah candy woohoo. Then comes Thanksgiving, I mean how great to just eat and eat and eat. Then before you know it Christmas is here and we all are merry and happy with excitement and wonderment for the big day. Then we get to party hardy bringing in the New Year. Woohoo 2009 how fun, the night is full of friends, family and craziness. Then they do it to you ( who are they you ask, well you know who you are and I'm not happy with you) January and February hit, they are the two worst months of the whole year. Its freezing outside, no one is out and about, its like a ghost town outside. Undoubtedly its the time we all get sick, (At least I am.) There is nothing to do but stay home with a bunch of stir crazy children. So I say get rid of January and February and lets head right into March when the grass starts turning green and little tulips start popping through to say hello. If anyone has any suggestions how to get me though these next two awful months please share your ideas with me. Until then I'm (depressed in January) signing out!!

Caden's special day!!

Caden got baptised this last weekend. It was so funny, we went to go to Caden's baptism and stake had forgotten to fill the font with water, So there we where with a room full of family and friends all wondering why the baptism hadn't started yet. It was so funny we had to tell everyone to come back to our house while the font filled up for a few hours. Ha Ha It makes for a great story and good memories. I don't think Caden will ever forget this special day he was so cute and sweet. He told me after his baptism, while we where driving in the car just me and him. I asked him if he felt any different and he sat there and thought about it and said, I feel that there is a little light inside me, and that when I do good it feels really good!! Oh I'm telling you he is one choice spirit!! I love him so dearly he is just the greatest son anyone could ask for, I'm so lucky!!

Gandma and Grandpa with Caden

This is most of the people who attended the baptism, the others got sick of waiting for the font to fill and left.( I don't blame them)Ha ha

Ben and I with our sweet Caden!

A hole in our bansiter, she could fall 4ft". She has no idea and loves to taunt me and scare me.

My sweet little Brynlee is so cute she is so loving so wonderful but she is driving me crazy!!!! One year olds are so hard, I need to remember for next time I have a baby, "don't be afraid for the birth or even when they are infants. Be very afraid for when they turn one!!" Ha Ha I think its that the sweet little angel, gets into everything. She sticks her hand in the toilet, she climbs ontop of the kitchen table and then falls off. She eats crayons, she eats chapstick, she dumps out a bowl of milk on the couch. Don't even get me started with the Christmas tree its a nightmare.

Its scary really, they are these little people that can walk and climb and lift. But they have no idea what is dangerous, what could hurt them. She would just go walking right into on coming traffic if I was not there. As hard as she is and as much as I want to just pull my hair out with all the naughty little things that she does. I'm so glad that I am here to protect her from the dangers of this world. Sweet little (not so smart) baby!!