Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Just trying to make it through..

This whole grieving thing really surprises me, I will be going along feeling fine! I miss my Mom but it all makes since to me and I just seem to be couping really well with the whole thing.

Then out of no where just the last 2 weeks, I am starting to feel angry and very upset at all the changes that have had to happen since she has left. I have been crying a lot, firstly because we all have to go on as a family, doing parties having birthdays, its so hard to keep up the family dynamic with out her here, there is just a sadness at how final it is, she is really gone and I can't see her for a very long time, its way to hard to comprehend.

You know my Dad got re-married and up until now I have been doing ok with that whole thing, but out of no where I am feeling upset at the changes my Dad had to make and how early he had to make them. I miss my mom so bad it hurts to my core, I look at my kids and can not believe she is not her for there birthdays and special events. I look at all the new babies that have been born since she left and I feel such sadness, she would not ever be able to stay away, she loved babies so much. I see everyone around me moving on, forgetting....


Leo and Jill said...

I can't understand the pain that you have had to endure. I can't imagine losing my mother. Being miles away is difficult enough.
I am sure that no one is forgetting your mother. It sounds like she has left a lasting legacy behind that is impossible to forget. People just grieve in different ways and sadly life must go on because I am sure they have families that need them to go on. Thank goodness for the sacrifice our Savior made for us to all have eternal families and find comfort in the knowledge you have that you will be reunited again. It's ok to cry and think about her all the time. She is your mother and it's up to you to continue on her legacy.
I hope that you can find peace and I hope that you don't mind me posting on your blog.

Jeff and Nanci said...

I'm so sorry Jen. I hope you are able to move past this sad feeling in your heart. I'm so sad you and your family had to go through this. I don't think you should have to forget your mom nor should anyone else. She is an amazing person and has left such a great influence on those she was around. We love her so much and I hope the time we can all see her again especially her family will come soon. I love you Jen!

grandmao said...

I absolutely know how you feel Jenny. The grief ebbs and flows. I'm the same as you - I go along and things are okay and then all of the sudden, out of the blue, I start to cry! Little things trigger memories and it is overwhelming. I loved Chris so much and miss her so terribly! No one will ever forget Chris - she was an amazing person and left a legacy for all of us to remember. Know that I am always here for you all if you ever need anything. Life gets busy but family is always there to love and support you! I too can't wait until we are reunited with her! What an amazing day that will be! I love you - stay strong - together we will make it!

Ed and Ivy said...

Jenny - I am right there with you! I keep thinking that this has to get easier right?! And some days do seem easier but then at the most random times I also get overwhelmed by the sadness and the feeling that my brother is so far away! The past few weeks have been extra difficult, maybe its the gloomy spring weather, I don't know, but we will go on and look forward to the happy days that will keep us going. Try to be happy today and so will I!

Jenny said...

Thank you all for your kind words. I will do better soon!! It was just a bad day I guess. Usually I can see through to better days. But thank you all of you have made me feel a lot better. I will have a better day thanks to you all!!!

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