March 12 was the day my mom passed away 2 years ago. Oh boy what a hard day to get through, I mean every day seems challenging, some days are way worse than others. Its hard to think back to that awful day 2 years ago.... The things I had to see and feel where indescribable. You know I wanted her to be out of her pain and away from the body that stopped working for her. At the same time I did not want her to leave me. I would lay by her and sing hymns to her hoping that this would comfort her in some way. I also sat there and whispered to her in her ear that its "Its ok mom you can go we will be o.k. " The nurse said that maybe she was hanging on for us, and we needed to tell her that we would be ok. I also just wanted to hear her tell me she loved me one more time, not that I didn't here this like 50 million times in my life cause I did. My mom always told me how wonderful I am and how much she loves me every time we talked. She used to say "Jenny your so amazing, you can do anything." Man how awesome that she thought I was so great!! There are lots of memories I have of that day most of them sad. After she passed, I left the house by my self so I could cry alone. I said to her in my head," Mom why did you have to go, I miss you." And then as clear as day I heard in my head her answer me and say, " I did all I was supposed to do," Then I said in my head, " I love you mom" and she answered me back saying, " I love you too" It was a really amazing moment for me. I still feel her around me at times. Sometimes I'll be sitting there and I swear there is someone behind me or by me. She did tell me when she was very sick, "I don't know how it all works up there, but I will be with you as much as I can."
When my mom and I would see each other I was always really silly with her, I loved to make her laugh. I would tickle her, (she is so ticklish, ) I always used to pick her up cause I was alot taller than her and she was always so skinny. She would laugh, and scream it was so much fun. I think about when I see her again sometimes, I think I will pick her up and she will laugh and we will laugh and it will be a sweet reunion. (Thank you for listening)
9 comments:
As always, thinking of you...
love you!
I'm so sorry! Thinking of you and your sweet family often! I'm so glad you have such a great family.
Hey, your mom was so special, I could always see how much she loved you! I am thinking of you often!
Happy (late) Birthday! Sorry we couldn't make it that night to dinner. (Sick kids make it hard to get a babysitter.) How'd you like the jogging stroller I saw Ben getting you at Sports Authority?!
You are so amazingly tender-hearted. I love reading your memories of your mother. Hope you're doing well, and are uplifted by your family.
Thinking of you Jenny... Keep on keeping on.
Thank you for sharing such a personal moment. I loved your mom. She was always fun to talk to. I remember how much she loved hearing us talk about what we were up to and our "big plans" for our crazy nights out.
Jenny, your Mom was so right. You are amazing! I am so grateful that you and I have gotten to know each other, you really have blessed my life! I can only imagine how great your Mom must have been. I am so sorry she had to go so early. I enjoy hearing about her. This post made me teary, but also made me smile at the good memories you shared too. Thank you for sharing.
I could cry my eyes out right now if I wasn't at work...probably will later though. Reading your post made me so sad, and happy too. March 12th was 3 months since my brother died. It feels like it has been so much longer than 3 months though, do you feel that way about your mom? I am sad for every day that goes by since it is another day farther from the last day he was here with us...but I have to remind myself that it is also one day closer to when I will see him again. Keep thinking about all the great times with your mom, and that you will see her again!
2 years huh?! In some ways it probably feels like yesterday. I am so sorry Jenny. I loved reading your memories and hearing about how you are doing now. Sounds like you are finding strength in all the right places. Love you.
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