Late night movie

I watched a movie tonight in the dark by myself. It was called P.S I love you. It was a good movie for those of us who don't know about the horribleness of losing a dear dear loved one. The movie is about a women who looses her husband to cancer, while he is dying and knows he won't be there any more he wrights letters and does things so that his absence won't be so unbearable. Even though this movie was about a married couple, I couldn't help but relate it to my own life and my own personal loss. My mom didn't leave any of us kids letters or anything. It makes me sad, really sad almost mad!! I think about what that would have meant to me to have some words of wisdom from her to look back on and remember how much she loves me. Part of this is easy to understand, while my mom was sick and we were worried it might take her life, our families couping mechanism was to keep pushing, looking for the miracle that would save her. We never let her give up and we never lost our faith untill the bitter end. So really we didn't have time, she didn't have time she was trying to stay alive for all of us, I think she knew she was maybe going to pass on to the next life, but she never wanted to let us see she had given up. So thanks for listening, I think I know now why she didn't write us letters. She was to busy fighting for all of us kids and our dad and her family to stay alive. I know she loves me so much, she loved me so much that she was fighting to stay in this life even though she wanted to give up I know many times. So thanks mom for wanting to stay with me and live. I know that Heavenly Father had different plans for you and our family. (This is one of my Blog therapy sessions, I don't mean to be all sad and depressing, it helps to write all this down!!)

When we got our family pictures done, Ben and I went off with the Photographer and took some sappy pictures. I love seeing us together, loving one another. You tend to forget with all the craziness how much each of you mean to one another. I love Ben and he is a wonderful husband and a great father!!

Our new family pictues

We got some professional pictures done a couple of weeks ago. I love my kids so much, they are so adorable. My Caden is getting so big and Blake has lost that all his baby fat in his face. My Brynlee has the most beautiful eyes, wow, what a cutie!!

My Nemasis

Meet the thorn in my side. Laundry is one of those jobs I never seem to be able to keep on top of. These pictures don't even show how bad it usually is. i struggle with keeping it all done. I just got my laundry room finished like a week ago. Before then it was literally a whole in the ground!! Now it is bright and beautiful and I want to keep it looking nice and clean, and free of clothes all over the floor. I try to put laundry in daily, but then I forget that it is in the washer, then I forget its in the dryer, then I forget I need to fold them, then I never put them away. I would love any advice from anyone who has the whole laundry thing figured out better than me. Or those who just want to empathize with me. I need a system!!

Camping

We went up to the Uinta's and went camping with some friends, we had so much fun. They got so dirty, I hate camping because of this, good thing we have wet wipes!!

My boys have really become good friends, It makes me so happy, they used to hate each other. Ahhh brotherly love!!

Daddy loves his little girl.

This is the whole gang, dog and all.

Brynlee is a big girl!!

Brynlee has grown so much, I can't even believe how they change in one year.

Brynlee is One now I haven't found her birthday pictures yet so these will have to do!! She is such a good baby, we all love her so much. Ben is in total love with her. I love it, she can make him do anything she wants. She definately has daddy wrapped around her little finger!!

Caden and Brynlee have a very special relationship, they love each other. Caden is so good with her!!

Brynlee is a pro-walker now she is practically running!

I love when baby's squat down like this it is so adorable!!

It just keeps on coming!!

I really hate to be sad, I avoid it at all costs!! I pretend I'm fine, I concentrate on projects, I play way to much. Then it comes I can't stop it, I can't run from it anymore, its there in my stomach bubbling up inside me. So I finally surrender to the pain that I feel. I cry and then I cry some more. It helps to finally acknowledge the emotions that come from loosing a mother at a early age in life, when I still have young children. I think the hardest thing about loosing my mom is not having her love and support with my kids. My mom would have loved my daughter Brynlee. She would have just kissed her,, loved her and not been able to keep her hands off of her . Brynlee is one of those kids that everyone loves and it makes it that much harder to think of my mom with her, cause I know that they would have been very close. Caden is going into 2nd grade tomorrow I think my mom would have called tonight to wish him luck. My son Blake tonight told me he missed my mom and said " Is Grandpa Kelly going to die too." I told him no not to worry grandpa is going to be around for a very long time. It always helps to write my feelings down and send it out there. Mom I love you!! I miss you, I will continue to be strong until I see you again!!

More fun to have!

On the Lake!!

Sweet little Blake.

Captain Caden

Stud man Blakey! So strong.

Brynlee is hide and seek. Peekaboo!

Flaming Gorge

We had fun going down the Green River!!

Brynlee is all safe in a life jacket. So cute!!

Blake was so scared the whole time, he did not let go of the rope the whole time. He felt that if he let go of the rope the boat would go under!! Ha Ha

Brynlee isn't afraid of anything. This water is freezing!!

Sweet baby!!

Sooo Sad.......Or is it?

I have a very sad story to tell!! It all begins with my sweet husband buying a Nissan Titan Truck, bright shiny red, fun to drive, and I look hot in it!! Oh sorry I'm getting carried away. Your probably thinking (isn't this a sad story.) Ok so in getting this truck my husband has always had dreams about what he wanted to do when he got his cool new truck. One of these things included putting his two dogs in the back of his truck. the whole family loads up and we get our Mastiff and our German wired haired pointer named Hazy in the back of the truck. Off we go and we are heading down the street going 30 mph, I look back at both dogs, they seem happy, tongues flapping in the wind, then I look back again and O-oh where is Hazy? No Hazy she is gone, so we turn around speedy quick and there she is on the side of the road. Stupid dog jumped out!! What kind of a dog jumps out of a moving vehicle. So her leg was hanging there in a very not good way, and we took her to the vet she had broke the crap out of her leg!! It is going to cost alot of money to fix. Well people let me tell you something right now my dogs are my pets not my children I love them from a distance. I pat them on the head and tell them to go away. Three thousand dollars is not something I'm willing to spend on a dog. So me and my husband decided to put her down. (In asking people what they think about this people are all over the board on this one, some people can't believe we would even think of such a horrible thing, others say yeah I would never spend that kind of money on a dog.) This was a huge moral dilemma for me personally I felt terrible. I would look at her and I just saw her asking me to let her live. I brushed her hair, petted her alot and gave her little treats, I felt like I was getting her ready to go to heaven. So the day came me and my husband were crying, Hazy kept looking up at Ben and licking his face. It was brutal, so we left in tears paid our money to have it done. Well then on the way home (still in tears) The Vet doctor calls us and says that another pet doctor wants to save Hazy and do the operation on her leg. Keep her with him tell she can walk again and find her a good home!! Can you believe that, it was awesome, so great to know she was not going to die. Her life will go on. So Hazy good luck doggie! I hope you have a happy life!!