Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Late night movie

I watched a movie tonight in the dark by myself. It was called P.S I love you. It was a good movie for those of us who don't know about the horribleness of losing a dear dear loved one. The movie is about a women who looses her husband to cancer, while he is dying and knows he won't be there any more he wrights letters and does things so that his absence won't be so unbearable. Even though this movie was about a married couple, I couldn't help but relate it to my own life and my own personal loss. My mom didn't leave any of us kids letters or anything. It makes me sad, really sad almost mad!! I think about what that would have meant to me to have some words of wisdom from her to look back on and remember how much she loves me. Part of this is easy to understand, while my mom was sick and we were worried it might take her life, our families couping mechanism was to keep pushing, looking for the miracle that would save her. We never let her give up and we never lost our faith untill the bitter end. So really we didn't have time, she didn't have time she was trying to stay alive for all of us, I think she knew she was maybe going to pass on to the next life, but she never wanted to let us see she had given up. So thanks for listening, I think I know now why she didn't write us letters. She was to busy fighting for all of us kids and our dad and her family to stay alive. I know she loves me so much, she loved me so much that she was fighting to stay in this life even though she wanted to give up I know many times. So thanks mom for wanting to stay with me and live. I know that Heavenly Father had different plans for you and our family. (This is one of my Blog therapy sessions, I don't mean to be all sad and depressing, it helps to write all this down!!)

10 comments:

Merilee said...
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Ed and Ivy said...

That's one of those movies that I want to see, but then again don't want to see because I know I'll cry the whole time. I love reading your thoughts about your mom, you are a very strong person!!

Malisa Karren said...

I also love to hear about your mom! And I bet she did fight up until the very end. I do remember she loved her family with everything she had. I bet it feels better to let it all out. Hope you have a better day.

Chelsea said...

I cried through that whole movie too! I'm so sorry Jen, I wish that there was something that I could do to make it not hurt so bad. I know that it is just so hard because you love her so much. She is such a great person and I often wonder if she knew how much she influenced all of us. Take care and vent anytime that you need to.

Frog Family said...

Jen I'm so sorry. I love to hear about your mom though. I remember all of the fun times we had during the summer with softball. All of our all-star trips. Those were the good and easy times when death was never even thought of. I know that heavenly father had a reason for taking her so young. I do a lot of thinking about his plan these days after the death of my husbands boss. Our life is still in utter chaos at this point and it just makes you wonder why? I'm just trying to keep in mind that these things happen for a reason even if we don't know why. Hope you have a better week. Linds

Frog Family said...

You have been tagged!!! Check my blog for the rules

Shannon said...

I'm bawling. It's so true. I believe she knew she was not meant to stay here with us but she knew it would kill us if she told us. We kept fighting, fighting, fighting. It was her sacrificing for us. Her selflessness! And she did it alone so we could bear it and continue in hope.

Tara said...

I think overall it makes it easier for us that we don't have letters to go over and read it would just bring more crying. Staying strong and being in a good place is what helps.

Cheyenne Lake Family said...

Jenny how are you doing? This is Steven Lake and found your blog like many others through other highschool friends. I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My little family has had to deal with the loss of my dad and my wives dad. both were wonderful men. Thankgoodness for the gospel what a comfort it has brought us. It looks like you have a wonderful little family. Take care. Steven

NAT said...

Jen, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm so sorry about your Mom. I can't even imagine everything that your family has been through. Thank goodness for the Gospel and the Plan that gives us hope and for that sweet reunion when you'll see her again, someday.

P.S. Thank you for the yummy cookies that Ben brought over last night. I've eaten most of them. :) Oh, and I didn't realize that they were on one of your kitchen plates, or else I would have given it to Ben before he left. Don't worry...I'll give it back. :)