I Don't Want To Move On!!!

It has been very difficult since my mom passed away almost a year ago, come March 12. We are all having to go about our days. We try to make since of the fact that there is a person missing from our lives. Every morning I wake up and I take a deep breath, I blow out all my air hoping that the pit in my stomach will go away, if I just breath deep enough maybe it will leave?..... it doesn't work. Everyday for almost a year I have felt crazy, I am running around with no direction, I am searching, searching for someone, something a feeling a spiritual experience to make all of this feel better.... I am still looking, there really isn't much that makes it feel better. People say that with time it will feel better, they say "I know you don't want to hear this but it really does get better with time." My family is having to pull up our boot straps and try to move on past the things that are so vivid in our minds about our mom and wife. I keep taking care of my children and husband, doing laundry, changing diapers, doing dishes, fixing dinner. I want to throw everything down and run. It feels like this would help, to run away from my responsibilities, I have a brain though and know that this would only make things worse and I think that my children and Ben are the only reason I'm still sain really.

So in the spirit of moving on my Dad is getting married in a week. This is so hard to think about, and know that my Dad unfortunately has to move on for his own well-being. Its one of those things that must be. I wish my mom hadn't passed away and that all these events had not been set into motion but she did. In trying to pick up the peices and "pull up our boot straps" My brave dad is moving on. What an amazing man, he has done so well in picking up the pieces of his devistated life. He is still very sad and cries often to me, of the pain he feels. He knows that getting married is the right thing to do. He has found a lady in st. george names Teressa, she is nice and cares for people, it will take time but in time I hope we can be good friends.

We all have to do things that are hard....... I pray daily, I'm trying to feel the peaceful feelings of the holy spirit. The Lord is on my side and I know that I don't have to pull up my boot straps alone he is there ever so quietly helping me and guiding me.

Growing up to fast!!!

She is almost 7 months old!! I can't believe it, it makes me sad I wish I could keep her a little baby forever. She is sitting up perfectly, she is trying to crawl I think she will have it down in a few weeks. (sigh)
Couldn't you just suck her face off, she is just too cute!!
Her new sunday dress, she is so excited, truely my little girl!!
Oh and she is so serious sometimes. She will stare at people, try to figure them out. She tries to figure out what everyone in doing. She is just my little doll baby. I love you Brynlee!!

New Years Eve 2007

We had a wonderful New Years Eve party at Tara's house. We had good food and lots of fun.
We had a ping pong tournament, Guess who won. Yes that is right the best of the best..... Me and Ben kicked everyone's trash! There was tons of laughter and fun we all played catch phrase and balderdash. I made up a good one about this man making the biggest ball of cheese! Ha fun fun
It was hard bringing in the new year, its saying goodbye to a year that my mom was here on the earth. Welcoming 2008 a year of moving on. I miss her she would have been in this picture with us. I don't want to move on but I need to and have to, the pain will hopefully dull with time.
I hope that good things come for all of us in 2008!!

Merry Christmas to us!!

Here is Ben (I mean Santa) with Blake and Caden. We went caroling to houses on Christmas eve with Santa. It was fun to see all the kids faces.
My sista crew, they are so beautiful, I love them so much!!! We have been through the wringer together, but together we will make it.
Brynlee's first Christmas, we enjoyed having her with us it made our Christmas a little brighter. We had our sweet angel baby with us. The Boys absolutely adore her!!
My precious Blake is helping Brynlee open her present. She thought the wrapping paper was a great addition to her breakfast, yum yum!!
There is Santa, he had a busy night ahead of him he soon left after this picture was taken to dash off to the roof top to mount his sleigh and deliver all those wonderful presents to all the good boys and girls. Mrs Santa was also up late getting ready for the special day.